Jan. 6/13
"Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own." - Mary Schmich
Daily Resolution: Don't cut yourself so much slack that you lose sight of what you actually need.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who let themselves go for the holidays. For the entire month of December, someone new each day was appointed the job of bringing Christmas baking into work (If it weren't for Anna's spiced seeds, all I would have eaten for two weeks is peppermint bark and chocolate-covered pretzels). And then there were all those Christmas dinners and shindigs to attend. I will never complain about an invitation to a gathering with food, but where was my restraint? Lost somewhere in the midst of Aunt Margaret's Mars Bar coated Rice Krispie Squares, Homemade apple pie, crackers and baked brie - so much baked brie - and Dill Pickle Baked Lay's. They're baked, so they're healthy ... right?
While on this three week rampage, I resolved not to feel guilty about what I ate (although there was an actual Brie cheese ball lodged behind my left rib, so I wasn't too keen on that). And I didn't feel too guilty. I might have made a few comments here and there - "Oh, god, I really shouldn't, but, oh, what the hell?" - but overall I was happy to fall off the wagon for a while. First of all, all that sugary, salty, "fatty" food is good. Really good. And second, there's a simple reason why people indulge a bit more over the holidays, besides the food's tastiness and your proximity to it (I somehow couldn't remove myself from the vicinity of the baked brie). It's because everyone else is eating it, they eat it every year, and you don't want to be left out of the tradition. It's the same reason I ate ham for Christmas last year after being a vegetarian for six months; I didn't miss the taste so much as I missed the feeling of my whole family gathering around and enjoying a Christmas meal together. I allowed myself that exception just that once, didn't feel guilty about it, but will probably not do it again (believe it or not, meat has even less flavour than you remember after abstaining from it for so long. It was easy to cut it out the first time, but even easier the second time).
So I indulged. And indulged. But another thing happened simultaneously: My main source of transport switched from walking to driving; I practiced less yoga; and I sat around with more glasses of wine in my hand than I'd had in all of 2012. Once again, I had to be okay with that. I had only a short time to spend with my family and friends and I didn't want to waste those precious hours worrying about my weight, or working it off. And I didn't. But I'm back in Victoria, back to the grind, and back to a regular routine. There's no excuse anymore. I need to get back on that wagon...horse...bike?
But the truth is, I don't need to start exercising again because I feel fat, or because the suppressed guilt of the last three weeks finally caught up with me. It's because my lower back gets sore whenever I sit at my computer for too long. Because my right hip flexor is always a bit tighter than my left, and sometimes gets pins and needles. And because I still can't talk when walking up the hill on Moss Street, because it gets in the way of my heavy breathing and I refuse to let it get the best of me (just to be clear, I'm not that out of shape. It's just a mother of a hill).
For years now, I would look into the future at myself and see I was in better shape than present-day me - my hips weren't tight; I could swim twice as many laps; I didn't dislike running; I didn't have perpetual knots in my back and shoulders - but what was I doing now, today, to ensure such a positive future was guaranteed? I went to a yin yoga class at Hemma today and, while it wasn't rigorous and I didn't break a sweat, it was one of the most challenging classes I've attended. It's not just my hip that's tight. My hamstrings screamed at me when I reached down for my toes and child's pose, a resting pose, had me fidgeting the whole time. Of course, doing the opposite of what you should do in yoga, I kept asking myself "What's wrong with me? I used to be able to do this." Key words: used to. I also used to do the splits without pulling a muscle (or five) and get into wheel pose by standing and bending backwards. Kids are seriously invincible in so many ways that they don't realize they'll eventually take for granted. But now that I'm not a kid, I fully appreciate the ease with which I used my bones and muscles back then. I'm still young enough and have the resources (yoga) to start correcting the years of stiff joints and sore muscles that I've accumulated over 25 years. I want future me to look back on past me and thank herself (myself?) for having the good sense to make a change before it was too late.
hap·pi·ness
1. The pride of actually getting up in the morning to go to yoga, without any external motivation.
2. A yoga class that kicked my butt and knocked some sense in me.
3. The suggestion of rain, without the rain itself. A damp pavement. A water droplet dangling from the tip of a leaf. The smell of a fresh start on the air.
4. Oatmeal with yogurt, fruit, and peanut butter. Thank you, Anna Smith, for your genius idea.
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