Einstein's Twin

Jan.3/13

I'm starting my second semester at UVic and, as is always the case when starting something new, I'm nervous. I could only eat half my breakfast this morning and now that half threatens to crawl its way out of me. When I'm nervous I have the tendency to hide inside myself until I feel safe again. This is dangerous because, chances are, everyone else is doing the same thing. If I'm ever to make friends, I need to do so when I'm myself. So, today I resolve to recognize that it's okay to feel nervous, but to not sell myself short. I resolve to recognize that I have a lot to offer, especially on the first day. 

To be clear, I'm not nervous about my first class, just my second. My first is Writing 100, which I was in last semester as well, so I know my prof, Carla; my classmates (though not by name, like Carla, the smarty pants); and generally know what this semester has in store for me. My second class; however, is in an hour and I keep chanting the mantra "Gonna vom. Gonna vom," inside my head. A feeling I abhor and fear with every fibre of my being. The nausea-inducing class in question is Astronomy 101. Yes, you heard me right. I, a girl who hasn't taken a science class since she narrowly passed Biology 20 with a 55%, am entering into a university level science class. Oh, god. Gonna vom. 

Okay. Okay. Okay. I survived my first Astronomy class. In fact, I even got through it without, well, vom....ming? It was quite painless, really. All we did was go over the course syllabus and watch a video of the universe expanding by 10 metres every 10 seconds, starting with a close-up of a man and woman picnicking and ending with...err, somewhere way out there in the vast universe. Plus, to my delight and surprise and slight disbelief, my prof is the epitome of a science teacher. An old man with permanently wind-swept white hair, a white moustache, and round glasses. He looks like Albert Einstein. Did Einstein wear glasses? Well, maybe he looks like Einstein's fraternal twin brother. When he came into the room holding a stack of textbooks, I swear the whole class gasped. I might even have jumped in my seat. I will admit that all the ignorant preconceptions about dry, boring professors who only read from their overhead notes popped into my head, but he's anything but boring. He's adorable. He kept telling sciencey jokes about Dwarf Planets which only garnered a few scattered chuckles, but he was enjoying himself and it's clear he loves geeking out about the cosmos, solar systems, and the possibility of extra-terrestrial life, which is cool in its own way. 

Anyway. My first day back was a success. I didn't make any new friends, but, besides my fluttering stomach (which I can't seem to control) I trusted myself to be capable of getting through a class, a subject, that is not part of my universe (Hehe. Get it?). I contemplated dropping the class for the hour leading up to it, which is why I consider making it through the first one a daily resolution resolved. 

hap·pi·ness

1. Understanding the distinction between being lonely and being alone. I felt overwhelmingly alone when I got home yesterday. The house was quiet without Sean clicking away at the computer and Pippin scratching away at the screens on the windows. It seemed empty, too, because the dish rack was underneath the sink instead of beside it; the fridge was bare; and half the shoes by the front door were still in Calgary with Sean. All that in conjunction with being apart from my family, after three weeks of non-stop family, brought on feelings of loneliness. Because I was sleep deprived, hungry, and homesick, bouts of tears made intermittent appearances throughout the day, the last of which was on the  phone with Sean just before I went to bed. I cried to him about saying goodbye to my four year-old niece Lucy, who was in tears, which of course brought me to tears, and how cold it was in the house because the heat was off for three weeks. This morning I woke up to a facebook message from Sean: "Hey Gabrielle. I'm sorry the next few days will have you feeling lonely/homesick. It will only be a few days so maybe use this time to turn the music up really loud and dance a bunch! Catch up on some books. Enjoy your time alone (don't look at it like a bad thing!)" He was absolutely right. Being alone wasn't a bad thing and it didn't mean I was lonely. It just meant I had the house to myself to do what I please. How many times have I been in a crowded room and felt completely isolated? Conversely, how much more often have I been alone, but in the company of an enticing book, a warm bath, and a mug of tea?

2. Exploring the shops on Oak Bay Avenue after months of sitting on the bus as it passed by and telling myself, "I gotta check that street out sometime."

3. Being productive instead of tired. I rode my bike to Home Hardware for puck lights and changed all four ceiling lights that decided to burn out all at the same time.

4.Scrabble Fridge Magnets! Padded Merino Wool socks! Buying anything but textbooks at the UVic bookstore.

5. Writing 100!